Aid to Life: Peace Education
How Montessori Education Supports, Encourages, and Guides the
Social/Emotional Work of the Child within their School Community
Written by Cheryl Raymond, Associate Head of School and Director of Elementary and Adolescent Programs, Holly Tosco, Director of Toddler and Children’s House Programs, and Alisha Gaskins, Director of Development and Marketing
“Everyone talks about peace, but no one educates for peace. In this world, they educate for competition, and competition is the beginning of any war. When educating to cooperate and owe each other solidarity, that day we will be educating for peace.”
Caregivers often ask, “How is conflict resolution handled in the classroom?” At Winston-Salem Montessori School, social and emotional work is integral to a child’s daily work in the classroom and is equally important to their academic development. To answer this question, we must first understand how Montessori Guides (teachers) encourage and support the social and emotional development of the individual child and the child within the greater classroom community. The Montessori Guide creates and sustains an environment that supports a child’s self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making skills. This important work begins in the Toddler environment.
If you’ve observed toddlers together, you know their conflict is usually a physical altercation or one toddler taking another person’s item. In this instance, the Guides bring the child to the child who is upset and say, “Look at his/her face. How are they feeling? Are they sad? What can you do to help?” This introduces the concept of empathy, reading body language, and realizing the impact they have on others. Both parties usually agree on a hug as the resolution. Recognizing how others feel and think…and connecting language to those feelings is a critical first step in an 18-month to 3-year-old’s social and emotional development.
This important work provides the foundation for their growth in the Children’s House environment (ages 3-6.) When a conflict arises in Children’s House, the Guide is present to provide a safe space and encourage independence. Each child takes a turn saying what happened from their perspective. The Guide may model the conversation and say, “I felt _____when ______ happened.” Once they share, the child who has made the mistake might say something like, “How can I make it right?” or “How can I help you?” Children start to experiment with the answer. They might suggest solutions such as, “I would like you to have lunch with me so we can be friends.” Instead of simply being polite by saying, “I’m sorry,” the students go deeper by asking questions and creating a solution that meets their needs. Because the problem is solved, the adult has no reason to enact a consequence or punishment. The children experience more ownership of their solution and therefore more independence in problem-solving. The Guides are modeling and supporting them with the appropriate language and setting for resolving conflicts. These guided conversations continue to build the foundation for a child’s continued social and emotional growth so that when they enter the second plane of development (Elementary ages 6-12), they have an increasing number of tools to pull from and expand on.
The Elementary years, ages 6 to 12, is a time of significant social, emotional, and moral development. The environment is prepared for children to work and play collectively. The tables are arranged in groups of two, three, and four. The lessons are given in small and large groups, and their practice work and social play create natural opportunities for them to work together on common goals. The Elementary Guides know and anticipate misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and general conflicts will arise, so they prepare the children, directly and indirectly, to seek productive and positive resolutions when they do.
Children receive guidance on how to work together and provide grace and courtesy lessons on communicating effectively with each other. For example, they learn that “I” messages are important. When expressing one’s perceptions or emotions, they are guided to use I statements such as “I think,” “I feel,” “I didn’t like it when,” and never use accusatory language. They speak for themselves. This conversation is made in partnership with the Guide acting as a mediator. Every child is encouraged to resolve the issue with their given tools. One of these tools is to seek adult help when it becomes clear they cannot. Sometimes, a conflict arises, and the Guide chooses to observe how and if the children handle it independently. Once approached, the Guide may ask, “How can I help you with this conversation? How can I support you?” This response empowers the student to problem-solve. Once involved, the Guide’s responsibility is often to help interpret the situation. They may say phrases such as, “What I’m hearing you say is ___. Is that what you felt?” If the other person is not receiving that information accurately, the Guide helps them interpret it.
After each person shares and receives, they move on to how they can solve the problem. They break down what it means to apologize. When you recognize that you’ve hurt someone in some way and you’ve done something you don’t want to do again, your apology is an agreement that you won’t do this anymore. They also work through different levels of apology. Sometimes, a more formal apology is needed, such as a written letter. They also work through the understanding that the harmed person does not have to accept the apology. They might not be ready to accept the apology, and that’s okay. It might take them time to process, think, and return later. Sometimes, the situation requires the caregiver to become a part of the resolution process. In these moments, the Guide calls the caregiver and finds a path to peaceful resolution with the child(ren). Lower and Upper Elementary students learn to read body language and understand social situations. Working through social conflicts, whether independently or with adult support, helps them better understand future social scenarios, which prevents conflicts and gives them the tools they need to move forward in their relationships with peace.
Once students develop these skills, they can offer their support with conflict resolution among their peers. This is one of the great benefits that results from a multi-age classroom. During the elementary years, children learn and practice working with their peers and immediate social community. The social and emotional skills and tools they learn in the elementary classroom allow them to feel better prepared to work and interact with a larger community in their adolescent years.
The Adolescent years, ages 12 to 18, are when they learn where they individually belong in a great social community. Their community has expanded to include their neighborhood, city, state, and world. How they see themselves and how greater society sees them plays an important role in their social and emotional development. At this age, they work together with their Adolescent Guides to create structures and systems to solve and resolve social issues that arise. They create a charter at the beginning of every year that states how to work and interact with each other. They hold weekly community meetings to discuss and solve program social-related issues. If they cannot come to a peaceful resolution with their peer(s), they know they can seek the guidance of their adult advisor, and together, they will create a path for resolution.
Winston-Salem Montessori School Graduating Class of 2023
Dr. Montessori believed the hope for humanity and a peaceful world lived within each child. As Montessori educators, we are responsible for guiding and nurturing every child’s social and emotional development. Through daily support, guided conversations, and appropriate interactions, they will learn to recognize, appreciate, and honor the dignity of every human, leading to a more peaceful world.
“An education capable of saving humanity is no small undertaking; it involves the spiritual development of man, the enhancement of his value as an individual, and the preparation of young people to understand the times in which they live.”
*Some Montessori schools have peace tables in their environments. These physical tables offer a place and space for children to discuss their feelings and work towards a peaceful resolution. At Winston-Salem Montessori School, we believe peace can and should be found and repaired anywhere in the environment. Children learn, with adult guidance and modeling, that they have the necessary tools within themselves to resolve a conflict peacefully, no matter where they are in the environment, school community, or the world.